Laylabird's Blog

Sunday 15/03/26 - It's Been A Weird Week

Time: 17:33pm

Hello again,

I’ve made it to my second blog post! I’d love to make writing blog posts a regular habit, especially because I never have much to do on Sundays and I get pretty bored. I’ve been extremely bored today. It wasn’t a boring week though. I had lots of fun this week, but I did also experience a lot of anxiety and I’m not really sure why.

My weekly Recap for 09/03/26 – 15/03/26:

This week was my first week back to uni after my mid-semester week off! I really enjoyed being back and getting to see all of my friends again. At the beginning of the week, I was feeling pretty lonely because not everyone was back yet, and some people just weren’t showing up to the lectures because they were all at 9am. I personally prefer having 9am lectures because it gets me awake and ready for the day, and I like seeing the people in my class. I got very lucky with my class; everyone is very nice. I was late to my Wednesday lecture though because I set my alarm for 9am by mistake instead of 7am. It’s the first time I’ve been late so far so I’m not too bothered really.

One thing that has been bothering me this week though is the fact that I feel so much less intelligent than everybody else around me. I mean, in college I actually was less intelligent academically and was failing half the time, but in uni it’s different. My grades are actually good now (not to brag too much, but I’m quite proud of myself), yet I feel dumber than ever. As I like to mention a lot, I do zoology, and I love it. But I don’t love it the same as everybody else does. I worry that it might not really be my passion. I want for it to be, of course, but I don’t have an area of speciality like everyone else. Because it’s been so nice and sunny this week, I’ve been on lots of walks round the lake and through the woods with friends and classmates, and they have taught me lots and lots about nature and their areas of interest. I started my nature journal this week where I’m trying to write down the things that they all tell me so that I don’t forget. So far I’ve journalled about magnolia and the little egret down at the lake.

But anyway, everyone around me just knows so much all the time. And I know nothing. I was stood with a friend while our other two friends talked passionately about seeds and plants, and I mentioned to him how I wish I had some sort of strong interest like they did. He seemed shocked that I didn’t, and told me a bit about his own interests that he knows all about. I worry that I might not be an interesting person for not knowing more.

I do definitely have interests. Everyone I’m friends with knows how much I love the TV show Malcolm In The Middle. I know the scripts to full episodes off by heart, I have the DVDs, and I have all of the information from the Wikipedia page memorised. But it isn’t the same. It’s not a useful interest. I love journalling and I love nature. I collect DVDs and CDs and cameras and I’d like to collect old phones. I have this blog now, and this website that I learnt very basic coding to make, and I like photography and creative writing even if I don’t do it very much. I think the issue is that my interests aren’t very well connected to my course. I have friends who have questioned why I am even on the course if I know so little compared to everyone else. But maybe I am just on the course to learn. I want to learn how to be a better naturalist. I guess just in doing so I will have to deal with the fact that other people have had a much greater headstart than me, and see their knowledge as an opportunity for me to learn from them, not a reason to feel bad about myself.

On a different note, I went clubbing for the first time in my life this Friday. I actually didn’t hate it, but I think I was just too drunk to pay enough attention to all the things I would usually hate about it. Before I drank, I was feeling super duper anxious, and then when I drank I forgot about it for a bit. However, when it wore off on Saturday, my anxiety was THROUGH THE ROOF. I felt like I was trapped inside my own head, but my head was entirely empty of thoughts, and forcing myself to speak more than a few words at a time felt impossible. I had a nice day outside in the sun with my friends though, even if they were a bit weirded out by my weirdness.

I’m hoping that tomorrow I’ll be feeling better again. It was a good week all round really, and next week is meant to be sunny again too, especially Wednesday. What I’m trying to say is that next week has potential! I half completed half the goals I set myself last week, and I’m not really sure what goals to set for next week. I’ll set something so if I feel lost I have a loose guide to look back on, but I don’t want to be putting too much pressure on myself to meet goals. I just want to have fun really.

Goals for next week:

🟪 Spend time outdoors and make the most of the sun.

🟪 Continue to work on my group projects.

🟪 Don’t forget my friend’s birthday!!!

Anyway, that's all from me for now.

Love from,

Laylabird 🐞